his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
