She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
