I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
