he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
