Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
