ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
