After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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