You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
