If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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