Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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