Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
