well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
zippers are such a cool invention
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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