you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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