I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
