My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
