If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
