I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
