I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
