The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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