T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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