She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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