i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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