please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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