is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize