Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
