how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
