Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
