Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
