it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
