me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
