I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
