i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
