I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
