Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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