Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
