using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
