my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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