Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
