Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
