Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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