Don't you send me to vm
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
