I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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