Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You're like the curious george of whores
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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