it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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