Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
