First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize