idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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