So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
