Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
