6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
