it's like iHOP with fire
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
