He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
