actually, I'm a sock model
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
