I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
