I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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