I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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