I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize