just come out here and I will go home with you...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
