Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
