people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
