im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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