butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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