ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
