He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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