Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
