i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
