This girl is more easily done than said...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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