I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
