awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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