when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
