Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
