Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
