You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize