Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
