If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
